It’s the usual routine, three ghosts visit in the course of one night, select moments from past, present, and future, and thereby ensure that Connor will be set right and realize that his first love, Jenny (Jennifer Garner), is also his one true love, thus the happy ending ensues. It’s also Wayne who returns from the grave to the estate’s bathroom facilities in order to save Connor from dying alone. It was Wayne who taught Connor everything he knows about being a player. That’s a full-time job, what with the rehearsal and nuptials taking place over a very long weekend at the country estate of their deceased Uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas), a womanizer of legendary stature. The cake would be for Connor’s brother, Paul (Breckin Meyer), a sweet but nebbishy guy who is smitten with his betrothed, Sandra (Lacey Chabert), and dutiful about defending Connor to everyone else attending the wedding. Alas, the script has so many errors in it that it has no time to help anyone out, and the audience is left with the reality of a filmic future replete with banal dialogue, obvious plot points, and the desperate and ultimately futile attempt to make the collapse of an unwieldy wedding cake into a hilarious laugh riot. Naturally, he seems like the perfect candidate for the traditional visitation of three ghosts who will show him the error of his ways and set him on the path to a happy and fulfilling future. He deals in such volume with his dating that breaking up with his latest conquest, or rather, conquests, is a group activity done via conference call. Women love him, he loves them, at least temporarily, and then sends them on their way. McConaughey is Connor Mead, superstar photographer and serial womanizer. With McConaughey, it’s more like one kind of cheap plastic changing into another kind of cheap plastic, neither of which are particularly appealing. For the whole redemption aspect of the story to actually pay off, the person being redeemed has to be believable as his heart undergoes the spiritually alchemical transmutation from lead to gold. Otherwise this retread of ∺ Christmas Carol only serves to prove that a good story can be ruined with a bad retelling. The only thing of note in GHOSTS OF GIRLFRIENDS PAST is that its star, Matthew McConaughey, doesn’t remove his shirt.
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